I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
