Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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