There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
