yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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