we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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