Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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