Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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