If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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