I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize