Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
