i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize