Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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