how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
