Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
