I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
