this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
