Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
