She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
