i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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