hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She's not a foreskin expert like you
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
