i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
