Sacagawea was the original milf.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is Oprah even human
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
