Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
