Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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