She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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