The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Pants are for mortals
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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