Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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