oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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