id be glad to
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
