How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
