She is in my trunk
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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