we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
