There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
