My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
