Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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