I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
