You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
