Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I love having hate sex.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
