how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
