he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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