I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
