he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
