idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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