Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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