probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize