I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is Oprah even human
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