My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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