the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
