You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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