She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
and she was petting her beer can
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
