My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
