You smell like stripper and shame
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
