PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
