I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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