So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
