Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
