Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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