Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
