Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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