He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
