what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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