saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
