that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
