I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
