do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
