tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
