I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
