Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
