my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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