weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You need Xanax blowdarts
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
