all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize