Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
