I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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