think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
