i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
